Seasons of the Soul

It's Raining Men... Allelujia?

2005-12-08T14:05:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when it rains it pours with men? I recently found someone I really like, maybe could even love, but yet he has decided not to date me (guy #1). Meanwhile, there is another man who really wants to date me, eh I'm not sure if I'm really interested in him. But he's very persistant so I feel like I should give him a chance because one never knows and I am someone who lives for no regrets(guy #2).

So now I am dating guy #2 trying to figure out if I could like him, while daydreaming about guy #1, when all of the sudden guy #3 hits on me while I'm waiting for a job interview! I calmly say "thank you but I have a boyfriend", a lie or course, but the only nice way of turning a complete stranger down.
Then I run into a friend/crush from the past and he quickly becomes guy #4, could something more happen now that we have met again after so long? Then I go out for a celebration with friends and meet guy #5 who asks me to lunch the next day, I don't get his message until it is too late so we never met. So although it may seem like I have an abundence of men at my feet right now, I really only have guy #2 who is pursuing me and 4 other distractions so to speak.

Now I must admit I am a friendly and flirty woman but I am very self-aware so I know when I could send wrong signals to someone and I haven't been doing that. But still I feel like I've been unconsciously putting out some kind of "hey baby you know you want to hit on me" vibe. I guess if nothing else my soga's are fun entertainment for my friends right?

Tenderness

2005-11-12T10:06:00.000-08:00

I aim so close and still
Miss you by a long shot.
We question each other’s
Knowledge on all we’ve got
I laugh, you linger
My stomach a nervous knot
Our voices in a gentle whisper
Can’t recall the last time we fought.
The tenderness of our hearts
Together, so close in our
Own secret spot.
Let’s stay like this forever
Loving one another a whole lot.

Puddles

2005-11-12T10:04:00.000-08:00

Puddles in my belly button
The sky turns gray.
Impressions made inside one another,
On his bed we lay.
The room spins round and round,
Yet no ripples arise.
A rock, a river, a rainbow.
Trust the old and wise.
Glass shatters into millions of pieces,
Yet my heart breaks in two.
Sweat drips from my dry skin and tears
Cover my eyes like morning dew.
Since he’s been gone, the winds
Have felt insane. Not always
The way I want but who am I to complain.

For Mom

2005-11-12T10:02:00.000-08:00

The guidance donated by such a charitable soul
Has strengthened my spirit in unimaginable times.
A gift of love and direction was given to me every day.
She held my hand when we were far apart,
And prayed for me with all of her heart.
Compassion, determination,
From her I have learned.
My heart is open to what this world can offer
And it’s because of her that I wait with anticipation
For my tomorrows to come.
I don’t dwell on unpleasant times, or take what I have
For granted.
I must say with pride and great admiration though,
The most important lesson my dearest mother has taught
Me would have to be
Reach for what inspires your heart,
And when you grasp it,
Live with it and learn,
Then stretch your arm out once more for the future.
Keep on taking what fills the gaps inside your soul,
But never once forget how you got to the place you are at
This moment in time.
Thank you Mom.

Satisfaction

2005-11-12T10:01:00.000-08:00

They are the foolish
Who take for granted the days
They have, the hours they have,
To do all that they want.
Live your life and love
By the minute, no,
Rather if you really want to
Please the spirit inside and above,
Take each second
Make it passion.
Be here, in my second,
My seconds go by too fast when I see you,
And last for weeks
When you vanish from my sight,
Remaining only in my mind.
Do it now,There will never be a better moment.

Remedy

2005-11-12T09:59:00.000-08:00

You avoid our kiss goodnight
So you won’t get me sick.
But I already have a fatal disease.
You’ve infected my heart
With your tainted eyes.
A cold will never compare
To the loss of my soul
Into my dream of
What your kiss could do to my body.

It is too easy to get
Swallowed up in your arms.
The offer of your hand,
Does it still stand?
I thought I was immune
To the virus you carry,
I thought wrong.
This will turn out
In a way never expected.
The one to be hurt,
Will it be you?
Will it be me?
It is to late.
I have already taken ill.
It is up to you to make me pure,
Kiss me and find a cure.

Just A Smile

2005-11-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

When will it me?
Holding your fingers in between mine,
Receiving your compassionate
Lips of love.
Your words becoming more than
Friendly.

Expressing unattainable dreams,
Comparing the reasons for a life of wishes.
This beautiful pain
Lingers on and on.
I don’t want my hopes to be lost,
Afraid of my dreams becoming reality.

If I could see you every time
I thought about you,
The smile would never leave my face,
These tears,
Oh these tears,
Would never reach my eyes.

The words keep dancing
In my head.
They move so quickly
I can’t keep up.
My thoughts of you
Could go on forever,
But I want more,
It is time to dance my words into
Your mind.
My love will be revealed and
I will face the consequence.

Shine On

2005-11-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

Just because you’re mine,
Just because I’m yours,
Just because our love has opened so many doors.

Just because you’re sweet,
Just because I care,
I love it when you smile, especially when I’m there.

Just because your kiss feels tender on my lips,
Just because it’s you that I never want to miss.

Just because you say so much
Without saying a thing,
Just because I know
Our love is more than just a fling.

Just because your eyes speak the unspoken
I know that my heart will never be broken.
Just because you’re not afraid to love me,
And you make me feel so free.
Just because you tell me all of your desires,
And what you reveal sets my heart on fire.

Just because I know our love will grow
And last through out our time,
We fit so well together,Our love blinds me with its shine.

Waiting

2005-11-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

I do not understand myself
At this time of my life.
People come and go
Like buses at the bus stop.
Heartbreaks are merely crushes,
And my crushes way to many to count.
I think for a moment,
This is it! He is amazing!
We will work and mesh,But our relationship fades before I can grasp it.

So I am here alone,
Just waiting for my bus to come along.
Attempting to keep my mind distracted
With dreams and thoughts.
I don’t know where they are,
I don’t know who has them,
Until my soul finds its place
I’ll sit here,
Watching shadows disappear and wait for the bus
Heading for who I want to become,
Who I want to love, live, and smile with.

I’ll do my best to be content
With what I am given.
I’ll reach for what I want.
I hope I catch it,
I know I’ll catch it.

Random thoughts

2005-11-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

RANDOM

Talk, talk, talk,
What is it that we say?
Listen, listen, listen,
Do we really understand each other?
Daily routines are so hard to break.

Go out on a limb
With me.
It won’t break,
It will hold our expectations,
Until we have no more left.

We make things have reason,
Pointless stuff symbolizes our greatest truths.
Music and words grasp our emotions,
Change our minds,
Break our hearts
Into millions of fragments.

Do the same thing over again,
Do the same thing over again,
That is all that is ever
Accomplished by far too many,
It will never change.

Hush

2005-11-10T18:27:00.000-08:00

HUSH

We talk to avoid a silence,
We know that if we are faces with
The silence it can’t be,
Must be, but maybe
Never will be broken
By a kiss.
Is that what we are truly afraid of?
Is it the silence,
Or the kiss?
Maybe it’s the
Silence of the kiss.

I long for the sound,
The shrill of silence.
Keep quiet for a while,
Let’s watch each other’s
Eyes glow in the night.
Listen
Do you hear that crazy ringing in your ear?
We hear the same tone,
You may not admit your love for it,
But I know it exists,
It’s the amazing silence
Of just one simple kiss.

I told my story to a stranger.
The response I got
Was caring and concern.
He had no clue as to why
I was speaking so honestly.
Did I tell too much?
I have this problem,
I say what is on my mind,
I say what is in my heart,
The words come out
Before I can think twice about
What they could possibly mean.

That is why you left.
I pushed you away while
I was trying so hard to pull you in.
This stranger is the one
Who listened and loved.
It was easy to reveal myself
To a stranger.

I didn’t care what he thought,
But he fell in love with me
While I confessed to him
My fall for you.
I want to start over.
Let’s meet again,
I can be the stranger
To the stranger in you,
And then the strange silence
Of our kiss may become familiar again.